MONSTER-IN-LAW?!

How to get along with his mother is something that we all worry about and trying to figure out. Obviously to most of us meeting the mother means this is a serious relationship and if you end up marrying him, she is going to be your monster… I mean, mother in-law. Which is the more reason why it becomes that much important to be get along with her. When it comes to developing and maintaining a good relationship, it is going to take effort on both sides.

Last weekend, I had a heart to heart talk with my mother. Somehow, she was very open and told me how it took her nearly 15 years to basically get along with my granny (her MIL). How everything she done for her including cleaning, cooking, helping her out when she was seriously broke down after my granpa passed away etc etc…and still nothing change. I have heard so many stories from friends and relatives that sometimes it made me scared. To even an extent where I wish and hope that I will marry someone with no family to please to {though I know it would hardly possible}.

When you’re marrying a guy, you are actually marrying his whole family. Therefore, the main ideas would be to show respect and have a positive attitude.  My own mother gave me tons of advices about mother-in-law’s situation and how to handle it with care. Sigh! Pretty scary if you think about it….

BE SENSITIVE TO HIS MOTHER’S FEELINGS

Just bear in mind, she is his mother. She is the one that spent twenty plus years raising him, so you should be sensitive to this other woman in his life. Many mothers do not think of the daughter-in-law as competition. However, if the mother’s life revolved around her son or if he was the only child, then the competition element might kick in! Try dressing conservatively, be extra polite and try to smile always! The way you dress to meet his folks can make or break your impression.

HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Always keep a positive attitude. She may just be trying to do her best and is new at playing this role herself. You should give her some credit. Being a mother-in-law is not exactly easy. So cut her some slack and give her a chance. She may nag you for your habit every once a while but stay confident through it and smile. It is your best weapon after all!

THE EXPECTATIONS

You should not expect to be immediately welcomed into her arms. If you’re luck enough to get a welcome with arms open wide. Yeay for you!{Just like a good friend of mine. Her MIL did everything for her. Wutta heaven!} For the rest of us, it may take some time to be accepted. Try getting to know his family. And let them get to know you. This is going to take some patience {I mean a lot of patience!} and time. Can you blame her for wanting the best for her son? I think not.

COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS

You need to be able to communicate your feelings. You should not let those hurt feelings build up inside of you. If there are any snubs coming from his mother, always discuss them. Feel free to tell him how they make you feel. It is his duty to give a supporting hand as long as you are justified.

TAKE ADVICE FROM HIS MOTHER

Does his mother try to give you some advice? She has years of experience under her belt. You should not take those suggestions with a rude “Yeah right!”. Instead, welcome them. Have an open mind and open heart and try to understand what she is telling you. Remember, she is only trying to help you. No ones saying you need to follow them but there is no harm in listening to what she has to say. And you never know, maybe following her advice will actually bring more happiness into your life.

WHEN SHE IS IN YOUR HOME…

When she visits your home, you need to treat her as a guest. Find amazing recipes and cook for her. Sit down and chat. Show her around town {if she is staying very far away from you}. If she would like to help prepare meals for dinner, then allow her to do so. The two of you really can bod this way. If she would like just sit there and be waited on hand and foot, then ask your husband/boyfriend to help you clean up and prepare meals.

WHAT ABOUT RAISING CHILDREN?

If you have children and his mother would like to help you, let her help. If she wants, then allow her to spoil them, just a little. Let her shop for them. Read them bedtime stories. Whatever she wants! That is what grandmothers are for! When it comes to raising you children, you may want to welcome any advice that she may have. Again, no harm in listening to her opinion and if you disagree, let her know politely.

INCLUDE HER DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Allow her to be part of them. Maybe you could help her with her holiday shoppings. If you invite your own folks for any holiday festivals or holiday trips, then invite her over as well. This way, all of you can celebrate the holidays STRESS-FREE and together as a big, happy family or to be family anyway.

TREAT HER EQUALLY

Do you know how you treat your own mother? Treat his mother equally. Obviously, the feelings you have for your own mother are far different but try to imagine her in the same way. If you give your mother a gift for her birthday, then give his mother a gift for her birthday too. If you have children, then visit both your mother and his mother with the same frequency.

SEND THANK-YOU NOTES

When you or your children receive any special gifts from her, be sure to send thank-you notes. She may be traditional type that expects to receive a thank-you note, not just a verbal thank you. Sure, you could send a thank-you note in e-mail, but meaningful thank-you cards work the best!

RESPECT HER!

Respect is the key in any relationship. If you respect her, she will learn to respect you back. You should think of her as being older and wiser. You always respect your elders, correct? She has been through a lot in her life. Believe it or not, respect starts from the first visit itself right from the way you dress to the way you interact with her. Over time, speak with her about when she was a child, learn what it was like to raise children. Or ask about your husband/boyfriend, how he was before, school days etc…they would love to tell the whole tale to you. Ask her to tell you about those life experiences. Nothing like some nostalgia to bond with his mother! Trust me…you could never go wrong there. Just let her talk as my mother said. People loves to talk about themselves.

Not all mother-in-laws out there are monsters-in-law. I do admit they are extremely hard to get along with. Imagine, my mother took 15 years to gain her mother-in-law trust even if it is not yet 100%. No matter what happen, don’t be the bad one, always show her your respect. The least you can do is maintain your dignity. If things get too bad, just tell your husband/boyfriend about it. Sit down and discuss about it. Brainstorming session together may help to give you ideas on how to amend the whole situations.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under mOi shOutOut

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s